Between going and staying by Octavio Paz
Between going and staying
the day wavers,
in love with its own transparency.
The circular afternoon is now a bay
where the world in stillness rocks.
the day wavers,
in love with its own transparency.
The circular afternoon is now a bay
where the world in stillness rocks.
All is visible and all elusive,
all is near and can’t be touched.
all is near and can’t be touched.
Paper, book, pencil, glass,
rest in the shade of their names.
rest in the shade of their names.
Time throbbing in my temples repeats
the same unchanging syllable of blood.
the same unchanging syllable of blood.
The light turns the indifferent wall
into a ghostly theater of reflections.
into a ghostly theater of reflections.
I find myself in the middle of an eye,
watching myself in its blank stare.
watching myself in its blank stare.
The moment scatters. Motionless,
I stay and go: I am a pause.
I stay and go: I am a pause.
My thoughts:
Octavio Paz (1914-1998), the Mexican poet and Nobel Laureate, is another of my favourite poets. His poems are a mixture of sensuality, philosophy and surrealism, and the one I have reproduced here is the one I like best. This poem is a complex one which can be interpreted in various ways, depending on how the reader views it through the prism of his or her own experiences.
To me, this poem conveys the state of shock that one goes through in the aftermath of the death or loss of a loved one - that feeling of constantly wavering between living and feeling dead inside. It feels as if one is unable to move on, while everything around is flowing normally and everyone else is going about their daily motions of life. It's akin to being numbed and mentally isolated from the world - physically present yet not really present at all. "I find myself in the middle of an eye/watching myself in its blank stare" - conveys a feeling of being alone and disconnected from reality.
The poem's paradoxical descriptions help articulate this solitary and strangely blank feeling, which is often difficult to express in words to someone who has never experienced a deep loss. The "circular afternoon" is in "stillness", yet it "rocks", like a stationary boat which is unable to move forward, even in flowing waters. Despite the fact that "Time is throbbing in my temples", it is "unchanging" - even in the middle of constantly changing time, the shocked person is frozen in a moment in time. "All is visible and all elusive/all is near and can't be touched" - it's as if one is unable to register anything and is existing on another plane.
As poignant as these images are, the last two lines are the most telling of all, juxtaposing motion and stagnation and conveying strongly the bereaved one's inability to move forward - wanting to let go but coming back again and again to the same point:
As poignant as these images are, the last two lines are the most telling of all, juxtaposing motion and stagnation and conveying strongly the bereaved one's inability to move forward - wanting to let go but coming back again and again to the same point:
The moment scatters. Motionless,
I stay and go: I am a pause.
This is not a poem to be read or understood at one go. Do go back and re-read it - what does it say to you now?
I stay and go: I am a pause.
This is not a poem to be read or understood at one go. Do go back and re-read it - what does it say to you now?
What a moving poem! It is bound to strike a chord in every heart that has at any time experienced isolation, loss,loneliness, or pain. How strongly it states what one may have felt but not known how to express. The lines 'All is visible and all elusive,all is near and can’t be touched." speaks to me of every time when life left us numb, when we were breathing but not really alive, when we could see the world but not feel like we were a part of it, when we were frozen and unable to reach out to anyone even the person right next to us.
ReplyDeleteYou have captured the essence of the poem perfectly - it manages to convey exactly the feeling of being numbed with pain and unable to reach out or express it to anyone else, even the person right next to us....as if we are cut off from this world, somewhere frozen in our pain.
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